Welcome to part four of what I continue to call the mini series on annoying movie cliches! If you missed, or would like to read, the previously reviewed cliche, please feel free to do so by clicking here. Have you ever shot a weapon in your lifetime? Perhaps you think you’re a pretty good shot, but do you believe that having amazing accuracy can be entirely taken away simply by stepping close to a specific individual? Well, according to Hollywood, this is entirely plausible, and is used quite frequently!
“These are the best trained mercenaries that money can buy. They’ve had experience all over the world…*names random wars and events* They never miss a shot!”
The first time I ever saw something like this in a movie, I nearly made a mess in my pants! Think about it: The hero must face the most well-trained group of soldiers in existence, and our hero appears to be quite out-classed in every category. At one part of the movie, we witness the skill of these cunning soldiers and their inability to miss a single shot, while entire groups of people are taken out, at a distance, and on the move. These soldiers are packing some serious heat with explosive and armor piercing rounds, while having enough grenades and ammo to keep a small army in the fight for weeks. They are ruthless killers, seeing their job as mere sport, a game that commends a laugh every now and again from the sheer humiliation and destruction they cause. How will our hero EVER cope with this formula for disaster?
The answer is quite simple actually: No matter how amazing a shot the bad guys are in Hollywood movies, the hero will not die. These highly trained soldiers go from awe-striking killing machines to little six year old Jimmy trying to shoot a barn with his grandfather’s shotgun. Needless to say, Jimmy is in for a sore awakening; not only does he miss the barn entirely, but he is now in pain from the recoil of the shot. It’s as if the hero and the bad guys decide to trade their amazing abilities, giving the hero all of the accuracy, and giving the villains nothing but a pleading heart. Suddenly, this young hero that couldn’t even hold a gun properly is dispatching large groups of highly skilled fighters without even breaking a sweat! Maybe a single clip of ammunition is taken by our savior to rid the world of a band of several fighters, while the fighters spend thousands upon thousands of rounds, grenades, and even tank shells, to try and stop our hero, but alas their amazing skills have failed them. My favorite part about this scenario is that, at first, a small band of these fighters give the hero a real struggle, and perhaps the hero may take a shot to some non-vital part of his body, but recovers within a day somehow to take vengeance of his comrades that had fallen during his injury. As soon as he heals, those skilled fighters are just mowed down with relative ease. Then, entire armies of these soldiers randomly appear, and all of them are mowed down just as easily somehow.
It’s one thing to have your accuracy decrease while you are under fire, this only makes sense, but for these bad guys to lose even a sense of aiming down the sights of the gun, or leading their targets, it just doesn’t make sense. They seem to aim their guns directly behind the hero as he runs in a straight line, making slight turns to get on the side of the gunmen. One bad guy goes to reload his gun, and when he finishes, the first thing he sees is the hero’s foot slamming into his face, and then everything kind of goes black for him after that. The hero continues to go on his killing rampage, seeming much worse than the villains at this point, until he gets to the leader of this little party. The big boss of the operation may actually get a shot in at our hero’s leg, and he finally takes an injury. The heroes of these movies can taken several shots to the head, torso, and neck, while the villains may die with the common slight punch to the face, or the stubbed toe routine. Immediately after the hero’s injury, the villain loses his accuracy, as well. It’s at this moment that he is promptly shot in the face, the maiden is rescued, everything explodes to the extent that it appears there was once a nuclear bomb that was housed here, and the party is taken away in a helicopter, while the hero looks off at the clouds of smoke caused by the explosion with a look of slight disdain, which quickly turns to a smile as he looks at his prize, and he kisses his maiden. Somehow, he makes it back completely healthy, never mind the hundreds of bullet-holes our hero has suffered at this point. Don’t worry, the hero is a strong person, a few simple pieces of heated metal flying so fast it can shatter bone at the slight ricochet won’t slow down this crazy character! Just throw a couple of bandages on, don’t apply pressure to the wounds, give him a smoke, and fly off while he has his legs dramatically drapped out the helicopter; that’s always the best medicine after a gun fight. I hope you enjoyed yet another sarcastic rant on the cliches of the movies. If you have any comments, concerns, opinions, or anything you’d like to say, please feel free to comment. As always, thanks for reading.
LOL, what you wrote is not a sarcastic one, because I think you are right. But yeah, lots of people don’t want to use their logic thinking. All they want to receive is just lies from the film, so they could experience something ’special’ from the movies, even if it’s just a lie.
Just one word….. Commando
Very well done.
Lol! Enjoyed your criticism well. Expecting more.
you made this criticism very enjoyable for your readers ..keep up the gr8 work and yes i like and appreciate ur works
Very great article
You could write for Hollywood – you know all of the acceptable plot lines
Have you noted in one of these cliche articles that the hero could use a cardboard box for cover from all of those flying bullets, while the villains seem to take cover behind barrels of oil or explosives.
Another work of art. My favorite has always been the hero driving one make (Ford) of vehicle and in the next shot, it is a completely different make (Dodge). Thanks for sharing your talent, as always.