Cover of New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)
Twilight is back and better then ever. Continuing right where Twilight left off, Bella Swam recovers from her overly dramatic vampire attack, which was no more threatening then an unsharpened pencil. While in the hospital, she looks forward to celebrate her 16th birthday with Edwin Cullen and his family. An unforeseeable tragedy occurs during the party, the likes of which would make God cry violins and gloomy skies. While opening a present, Bella, in her dimwitted nature accrues an paper cut. Disappointed that she would not be opening her present, and compelled by the act of an outlandish characteristic trait. Edwin’s brother attempts to suck her blood.
Shocked that one of his own brothers would try to steal his woman. Edwin decides this is not cool and comes up with the all too brilliant plan of leaving Bella Swam, in hopes that his brother will lose interest in her and go back to being the walking plot device he was born to be. Acting refreshingly realistic to the situation, Bella becomes angry and … lost in the woods. Realizing that Edwin was just a eight foot tall compass with marble lips, that pointed her in the right direction when she stuck her tongue down his throat. Bella wanders aimlessly through the woods in hopes that the scriptwriter knows what he’s doing. She eventually finds her way.
After acting like she had just lost to a blind man with hooks for hands in a game of pong, before smoking a dozen dirty socks. After Bella vents her anger and depression by screaming into her Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pillow, which amazingly didn’t cause a continuity error, and moping around the house. She meets Jacob Black, a woods ranger, and part time wolfewear. The two kind of sorta fall in love, but another problem arises. Bella becomes suicidal.
Having been dumped by Edwin Cullen and meeting her cool new companion Jacob Black, Bella realizes she doesn’t need Edwin to have a good life. She has an epiphany, all that she needs in life is an expensive car with two gas pedals, a conveniently placed cliff with a rocky floor just below to distract her from the pain of losing Edwin. Except, she actually does all of this to mentally disillusion herself, which she could have done with a much safer green plant, to SEE Edwin Cullen. It’s never explained why this happens.
Later, being the misinformed egotistical guy he is, Edwin hears that Bella committed suicide. Realizing, like any sane human would, that the only course of action, is to out do his ex-girlfriend and show her who’s boss. Edwin plans on racing to Germany where a secret sect of Vampire Overlords exist, dubbed the Volturi. The Volturi are basically the no questions asked Vampire executioners and mafia of the Twilight world. Edwin, in a twist of cinema genius, plans to make them an offer they can’t refuse. Edwin plans to reveal his Vampirism by going out in the daytime, naked, during a big Oktoberfest meeting for all to witness his sparkles. If people find out Vampires exist, The Volturi must kill him.
Saving Edwin just in time, Bella stops him from getting naked in front of a large crowd. Realizing that Bella was wrong, Edwin decides they should be together again despite the knowledge of constant danger. And thus concludes the exciting chapter in the Twilight Saga. Overall the film clocks in at nine out of ten, except I never understood why Bella couldn’t read Edwin’s mind. I think it was a poor choice to not clarify that.
From what I gather. The overall message of this film is that despite it all the power of love prevails, even in times of paper cuts.