Scary Movies Set for Release

One-side, goblins, ghosts, ghouls, pilgrims, and turkeys, Santa Claus is gobble, gobble, gobbling up your shelf space and window displays in shopping districts and malls from sea to shining sea.

Yes, hoping to salvage holiday sales in this year of American Economic Catastrophe, retailers are either skipping or giving short-shrift to Halloween and Thanksgiving in order to get to the Feature Presentation of the holiday sales season, namely secular Christmas, in release.

Yours truly has no problem with early Christmas shopping – it’s the patriotic thing to do – but I’m unwilling to kiss-off Halloween in the process of supporting the Economy.  Perhaps a trip to the box-office is rarely more fun and satisfying then when the flick we’ve paid to see makes our flesh crawl and keeps us on the edge of our stadium seating.  Many Match-Flickers may feel similarly.  This time, A- box office Haunting We Will Go.

Quarantine (October 10)

A Southern California apartment building is the quarantined setting for this bloody and violent saga about a group of desperate and disparate people quarantined after a deadly strain of rabies breaks out in Los Angeles.  This one isn’t about Halloween, but it is most certainly grist for Match-Flickers’ autumnal nightmare mill.  See this with someone from whom you don’t want to be quarantined.

Dance of the Dead (October 20)

It’s not exactly DANCING WITH THE STARS, but with 82-year-old terpsichorean’s on the ABC-TV series, it’s pretty close.  If you’re down with horror comedy, then this is your hot Halloween ticket.  It’s Prom night, and the dead rise to eat the living.  Doesn’t this happen every Sunday night on HBO’S TRUE BLOOD?  The only people who can save the reed-thin Cheerleading Squad from being Lean Cuisine for the corpses are the losers who couldn’t get Prom dates.  Horror and hilarity ensue.

Shall we dance?

Saw V (October 24)

At this point, the Halloween box-office would seem almost un-American without a fresh installment from the hugely successful SAW franchise.  Directed by David Hack who, hopefully, isn’t a hack, this year’s offering has forensics whiz, Detective Hoffman, doing whatever it takes to keep secret the fact that he’s the latest person to carry on Jigsaw’s infamous legacy.  You may want to follow your screening of SAW V with an appointment with your manicurist to smooth the nails that you’ve bitten off during the movie. 

The Haunting of Molly Hartley (October 31):

You’ll have to wait till Halloween Day for this spine-tingling horror-suspensor about the macabre 18th Birthday Eve of this private school girl.  Even if your flesh crawls over to the seat beside your date, and your stomach goes to the lobby for the duration, you won’t be able to avert your eyes from the screen as Molly learns the devilish truth about who/what she is about to become.

Motel Hell (OCTOBER 31)

I was waiting until Halloween Day to scare the devil out of us, but we’ve just learned that this MGM release of a Twisted production has been postponed until further notice.  At any rate, MOTEL HELL is a remake of the 1980 cult movie of the same name.  The plot is SOYLENT GREEN played sideways.  Well, sort of.

Farmer Vincent is known throughout the county for his outstanding smoked meats.  However, unlike Colonel Sanders, Farmer Vincent’s flavor doesn’t derive from eleven herbs and spices.  His secret ingredient is people – unsuspecting travelers that he’s trapped, killed, smoked, and then added to his pork.  Rory Calhoun, a pretty-boy movie star of the 1950s starred in the 1980 original, playing Farmer Vincent with a straight face and his tongue removed from his cheek.

When it is released, MOTEL HELL may be campy good fun – or, it could be just awful.

Trick or Treat Safely, Match-Flickers.