When I heard about this movie, it immediately grabbed my attention. It seemed to have a very promising story, one that could be developed into something more than just a stupid bloody movie. I couldn`t be more wrong.
In Hostel, three friends travel around Europe in hope of getting laid and get as stoned as possible. With little success on that first part. The girls of Amsterdam, where we first meet them, are just not so ready to give. Yeah, these are the characters that we are supposed to root for in the following hour of the movie, where they are bound to get into some trouble, considering this is a horror movie. But one just cannot get past the fact that these are three extremely obnoxious and annoying creatures and I couldn`t help myself but to hope they soon find themselves in some unpleasant situation.
Anyway, they meet Alex (Lubomir Bukovy), who tells them to go to Slovakia to some hostel whose girls are known for their generosity. Upon arriving there, the guys think they managed to find a way to paradise, but it soon becomes apparent that they landed in hell when Josh (Derek Richardson) and Oli (Eythor Gudjonsson) disappear. Along with some random Chinese girl, who is thrown there just for the contrast between a character the audience wants to see alive in the end and a character that will make people root for the killer or torturer or whoever happens to be the villain of the story. This last description is the definition of all three guys, including Jay Hernandez`s character Paxton, who somehow figures something weird is going on and soon realizes that this whole city is connected into some strange psycho activity, because even the police won`t help him. And so at last he is sucked into the horror himself.
There are so many things wrong with this movie I don`t even know where to start. Predictability. The creepy guy on the train turns out to be just as creepy as we thought. Alex`s intentions are not as good as it seems at first, a fact we all expected. Same with two Slovakian girls (Barbara Nedeljakova and Jana Kaderabkova).
Gore just for the sake of it. Really. There is no point in half the bloody and disgusting scenes this movie throws at you. There is nothing really scary about them (you won`t be really scared at any point of this movie), you will just want to look away because scenes of torture are just horrible. There is absolutely nothing entertaining about them. Yes, I know this is a horror movie, but there are way better ways to make people want to jump out of their seats with fear.
Characters are extremely unlikable. I am not saying that all characters should be a perfect example of a kind and generous guy, but these three friends are really extreme. Already in the beginning of the movie you can try all you want, but you just cannot like them enough to want them out of trouble.
Too long before anything actually happens. This may work for good movies where the first part is used to build up the climax, but such a thing can hardly be said about Hostel. Unless you consider an hour of naked prostitutes, constant sex and completely stoned main characters partying in every excuse for a bar imaginable “building the tension”, you will find this part completely unnecessary.
Stupid story. Even more stupid location of the story. Ok, I get it. It is unimaginable for Americans to create a city like this in this perfect country. But still, does it make it more possible to set a story in some European country? Does it make it more believable? I don`t think so. It is still a very silly story but with potential, I admit. If executed better, it would be on a whole different level, but the way it was handled in this movie is just ridiculous. And by the way, what was the purpose of the Bubble Gum Gang?
Last but not least, the whole vengeance thing in the end, when all the villains in the story just happen to be in Paxton`s way so he can get his revenge is just so unbelievable that it makes the whole movie sink a whole level deeper. Come on, it could be handled in a hundred different ways and Eli Roth chose the worst way possible!
All in all, this movie is not worth your time. Watch it only if you have absolutely nothing else to do and want a movie where you don`t have to use a cell in your brain, but expect disgusting scenes of torture and pain.
The only thing “horror” about this movie is how horrible it is.
