Uneducated Movie Reviews
An article in which I review movies that I haven’t seen based on synopses and cast. I am sure I will either be way off or eerily accurate. If you have seen the movies and want to correct me or want me to review others, let me know in the comments.
In a fit of boredom, I have decided to review movies that came out in theatres this past week without taking the time to see them. My reviews will be based on previous experiences with the director, cast, genre, and/or plot point. Let the ignorance begin!
One Day: This movie is about Dexter (Jim Sturgess-Across the Universe) and Emma (Anne Hathaway-The Princess Diaries). They sleep together on the night of their college graduation and the rest of the movie time lapses to that same day each year over twenty years to show us where the characters are in that point of their lives. I like Jim Sturgess, I thought he was wonderful in “Across the Universe” and I never saw “21″. Anne Hathaway has always been a very forgettable actress to me. I haven’t seen a lot of her work and nothing about her has really made me want to. I will be seeing her in “The Dark Knight Rises” as Selena Kyle/Catwoman but until then I think I will probably skip this movie. Lone Scherfig was the director of “An Education” which I can remember had a lot of buzz and good reviews. This will probably be a decent movie if you are into the whole drawn out British romantic film. For me, not enough instant gratification and I get extremely bored.
Fright Night: This is a remake of the 1985 vampire flick. It’s about Charlie (Anton Yelchin-Star Trek) who suspects his neighbor Jerry (Colin Farrell-Phone Booth) is a vampire responsible for recent deaths. Of course, no one believes him except vampire expert Peter Vincent (David Tennant-Doctor Who) I definitely want to see this movie. I vaguely remember the original as it came out the year I was born and I was more into the series films like “Nightmare on Elm Street” and “Friday the 13th”. I think Colin can’t do any worse as the villain in this movie than he did in “Daredevil”. Also, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a decent looking R rated horror movie. They all seem to be PG-13 so they can fill the seats. Unfortunately, those seats tend to be filled with rude kids. I would very much like to see this flick.
Conan the Barbarian: Another remake from director Marcus Nispel (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th), this one is about the classic tale of Conan the Barbarian avenging his father’s murder and the pillaging of his village. From the trailer, which included a gnarly looking Rose McGowan (Charmed, Scream 1), all I could see is that this would be another “hack and slash” type of film. Those films aren’t bad necessarily its just that during the 17th fight sequence in a movie with slow motion sword swiping and unexplainable explosions I tune out before the migraine sets in. Taking the lead in this feature as Conan is Jason Momoa (Baywatch, Game of Thrones). I would say he has big shoes to fill but Arnold was almost unintelligible in his speech and wooden in his acting so it can only go up from there. It might be a really good movie, I wont know because I don’t want to sit through it to find out.
Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D: The 4th installment of the “Spy Kids” series incorporates smell-o-vision into the movie. Because it didn’t look like this was going to stink enough, there are cards to scratch and sniff during the movie to enhance the experience. The story is that Marissa Wilson (Jessica Alba-Machete), a former spy, is called back into action to save the world from Supervillain Tick Tock (Jeremy Piven-Entourage) with the help of her stepchildren. Honestly, I haven’t seen any of the Spy Kids movies so I don;t know if this is better or worse than the others. I love the director Robert Rodriguez (Machete, From Dusk Til Dawn) but I think his kid stuff may land way off my radar. Although, I do applaud his use of Joel McHale (Community) as I am a big fan of his.