The Bug on Peter Jackson’s Shoe

I suffer from an ego problem. That’s right, I’m a conceiter(Is that a word?) I am so sure that I am a genius and that my movies are so good, that I really begin to think that if I were unleashed upon Hollywood, right now, I would tear all to pieces and bring awesome to movies FOREVAA!!!

He sure seems happy.

That was just a LITTLE taste of my ego. It’s perfectly natural for it to happen. Since I’m working many film scripts by myself, I have to be my own editor, which means, naturally, I have a fool for an editor. (for a complete list of all the movies I’m working on, I suggest you look at  the list on my user page here: http://www.metroid.wikia.com/wiki/User:Tuckerscreator ) When it comes time to refine it, I might show it to somebody for advice, but mostly I work alone. The problem with this is: working alone, you start to see your strengths and patterns in a different light. You start to rely on yourself too much and then you begin to believe that you REALLY have the chops to deal with the best of them.

I’ll probably start trying to enter the film business in about 5-to-8 years. By then, I’ll have to apply everything I’ve learned over the years into my efforts as much as I can. But I fear it may not be enough!

Example: I’ll admit something scandalous: I haven’t seen Iron Man.Every other teenager besides me said they loved it, but I never saw it. So last week, I decided to watch the trailer on Youtube and see what all the hype was about.

 Oh man, Jon Favreau is going to kill me.

So that’s the secret to curing my ego problem, watch movies. Find some movie in the basic genre you’re also writing in, make sure everybody loves it, then watch it. All my ego vanishes right there. You think you’ve got an awesome sci-fi? Then watch Star Wars and see if you can still stand. You think you’ve got an awesome hero? Then watch Iron Man and Tony Stark will ad-lib you dead. You think you’ve got a sweet romance? Then watch the Princess Bride and while their heart throbs, my heart withers, because I can never be that good if I were to start right now.

If you’ve read the list on the above link, you might have seen that I am working on an adaptation of a certain video franchise(Big Confession here!) But it doesn’t help that at the same time, Peter Jackson is working on an adaptation of a certain other rival video game franchise. Let’s do the math.

1. Peter Jackson has made many excellent films. I have none. Tuck Talk (http://www.youtube.com/Tuckerscreator ) doesn’t count.

Winner: Peter Jackson

2. Peter Jackson can make a movie on name alone. But nobody has ever heard of me. Nobody is reading this now, or I’d be 1 cent richer today. Even if some miracle occurs and my first movies are big hits, there’s no guarantee I’ll ever be in his tier.

Winner: Peter Jackson 

                                                 He sure seems happy to be coming to theaters

3. Peter Jackson has already has the rights to Halo and is making it right now. Bungie trusts him. Unless he gets hit by a car tomorrow, I’m doomed. Meanwhile, Nintendo has never heard of me and it looks like they’re getting ready to blow my plan with the NEXT installment in their series. That and there’s another director named John Woo who might come back from the brink and deal me a killing blow. Oh, and Sam Raimi is making World of Warcraft.

Winner: Peter Jackson

4. There are lots of Metroid fans out there who will love to see this. And there are also a lot of Halo fans. And a lot of fans of Peter Jackson.

Winner: Lots of fans of Peter Jackson.

5. Video games movies haven’t been all that great before and it is still a major risk to make one, even if it is new ground. That’s the only reason why the Halo movie didn’t come out back in ‘06. 

Winner: Tie

6. God will let me get there if he wants me to. Of course, he could also let Peter Jackson win.

Winner: God.

Add up the numbers. Peter Jackson could kill me right now if he wanted me to die. Everybody always loves the Horatio Alger stories of breaking into Hollywood. Problem is, Horatio Alger is the ONLY way you break in. It’s going to be hard. Do I have a chance? Do I have a career?

Peter Jackson just before he kills me

You guys buy the tickets. You decide.

Note: I am aware now that Steven Spielberg is now looking to produce Halo instead of Peter Jackson. If this twist in studio politics is simply too much to endure, simply replace every instance of “Peter Jackson” in this essay with “Steven Spielberg.” Frankly, it doesn’t improve my situation very much, does it?

===Upcoming List===

1. The Bug on Peter Jackson’s Shoe=X
2. The Stork Brings Idea’s Too?
3. The Gruel of Writing
4. But It’s Real Life!
5. Child Actors
6. *Maybe* It’s Bad.
7. I Have Seen the Future and It’s Just Like Now.
8. How Faithful must An Adaptation Be?
9. I’ve Got Something New Here!
10. I Fell In Love!(Again!)
11. Why *WOULD* I Want To See My Own Movie?
12. Studio Executives Are Your Friends
13. SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!
14. Batteries Not Included.
15. Scathing Tell-All-Autobiography
16. For a Clownfish, He’s Not Really That Funny
17. Revisionist History
18. Actors: Someone You Hire Because You Can’t Do It Yourself
19. I’m In 3-D!
20. Beethoven’s 33rd Symphony.
21. He’s So Hot
22. Movie Critics Are Your Friends
23. Warning: Not a Role Model
24. MPAA Does not PAAss
25. Remember, Grandma is Watching
26. Blue Screen Blues
27. I Wasn’t Invited to the Oscars(But I Still Love Myself)
28. The Dreadful Flying Dove!
29. Take My Hand, Harry.
30. Racism and Cinema: Then And Now
31. I Still Live in That Yellow Submarine
32. I Loved You. I HATE YOU!!!!
33. If I Were a Rich Man
34. Kodak Won’t Help you Here
35. What’s With the Envelope?
36. Reach For the Stars!!!
37. Duhn Duhn Duhn DUHNNNNN!!!!
38. You Gotta Have HEART!!!!!
39. Who Ever Heard of a Good Third Movie?
40. Remake: THE SEQUEL!!!
41. Awesome, Awesome.
42. How to Write an Oscar-Winning Character on a Limited Budget.
43. Human Hair… From my Back
44. I Don’t Wanna Gain Da Whole World and Lose ma Soul!!
45. Am I a Genius?
46. Frankenfilm!!!
47. Frankenfood!!
48. Ghost Riters