I am a very young, good looking, 19 years old, and I already am beginning my media dynasty. I’m writing, directing/filming, editing, and just plain doing work. I know this is a great acheivment (look out Obama, someone’s in the race for your Nobel), but like the usual time off I take, I dabbled into a little TV watching and saw the most glorious TV commercial to ever air of all time. Literally, not an exhaggeration. It was a commercial for the New York Film Academy, and a summary of the commercial goes a little something like this:
Pretentious group of hipsters (worst kind of hipsters….grouped) sitting on the patio of probably some pretentious restaurant they’ve probably only heard of, pretentiously (pretentious) talking about Spielberg, Scorcese, and other big time directors everyone’s heard of so they can put on the illusion that they know everything about film. To put it into perspective, these are the same type of people who are always trying to convince you that 30 Rock is the funniest/best show on television right now.(on a side note, I’ve watched 30 Rock before, please stop trying to convince me. In the words of Peter Griffin from Family Guy. It insists upon itself) (Oh right and they call movies “films” because the word “movie” just isn’t pretentious enough. People who are in the film industry don’t even call films, films.) And as they were talking, you hear off camera (for me, the biggest turn on of those 2 short seconds) a girl saying, “Hey! guys we’re trying to finish a scene here.” Then the commercial cuts to the title of the school, and the voiceover says, “Don’t just talk about it, do it”
Oh man! I want to go to that school simply for that commercial. It plays on my two biggest pet peeves, pretentious hipsters, and hipsters being pretentious. Actually this commercial made me think of what I like to call Film Critic Syndrome ( this phrase is a registered trademark of Sean Dooley Enterprises and if you use this phrase I will sue you for more than the phrase is worth). Film Critics are right up there on my list of pet peeves. And here’s my little formula. Much like the square-to-rectangle formula, “not all film critics are hipsters, but all hipsters are film critics”. But this isn’t about hipsters, for today I am giving these annoying people a pass and going straight to people much like Roger Epert and film critics alike. (just remember that hipsters in this sense are extremely applicable). I feel, actually I KNOW that film critics have absolutely no right (besides their sense of entitlment given to them by themselves) to be as harsh a judge on movies as they are. I think the golden rule of Hollywood should be this…: (get ready)(Are you ready?)(Ok)
“THOU SHALT NOT CRITICIZE THY FILM, UNTIL YE HATH MADE A FILM”
Who are you to judge film when you’ve never put in the time, effort, long hours, pressure, and talent it takes to create a movie. “But Sean, since you plan on being in the film industry, haven’t you developed a more harsh criticism of film?” “Not at all sir in my head asking me questions, in fact since learning more about it, I’ve gone in the complete opposite direction and became less harsh in my judgments.” I’m not judgmental, I’m not my mom (and I would like to thank my mom for being such a trooper for the sake of this joke). You would think I would develop a harsher taste in movies, because that’s what you’re supposed to do right? This is why typecasting exists. If you don’t know what typecasting is, you’re probably a film critic. I learned to appreciate the work, and when you have a sense of gratitude, you lose your sense of entitlement, and when you lose that (congratulations you still have your soul and are NOT a film critic) you lose your pickiness.
So I urge all of you to first, mentally play a Sarah Mclachlan (preferrably “In the Arms of the Angel” song or whatever it’s called. And also try to picture sad faced puppies). Once you’ve done that, join the movement against selfish douchbaggy film critics.(and the fight against animal cruelty I suppose, although I believe film critic culture is far more cruel). And don’t just talk about it, actually do it! and do work!