We’ve got the original inductees into the prestigious hall of BAMF. Their pictures will forever adorn the bullet-ridden, blood spattered walls. Lest you forget though, BAMF isn’t solely about actions. The Dude’s smoke-filled picture is in that wondrous hall and his body count isn’t nearly that of the others. In fact, his is 0. The only casualty in Big Lebowski is Donnie, a friend of The Dude’s. So his is more like -1. But he makes up for it with attitude. BAMF isn’t something that happens when you’re pushed to the edge. It’s a way of life. It’s the only way of life for these legends.
5.
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Tyler Durden
He talks like you want to talk. He screws like you want to screw.
If there’s anyone questioning this, start punching yourself in the face. It should make sense before you lose consciousness. Tyler Durden did it. Pummeling himself bloody and unconscious time after time, he started a revolution. Most of these inductees have left a gore-filled swath of rage and justice in their wake. But Tyler Durden built himself an army with it. Many people can punch someone in the face, maybe brake a nose. That’s not hard and it doesn’t prove anything. When Tyler did it, that person returned with bandages and unwavering loyalty. And where did this leader and mangler of men come from? A figment of imagination. “Jack” and his imagination birthed Tyler, according to the credits. He built himself from non-existence to the mastermind of Project Mayhem who pushes the reset button on the system. Four words. B. A. M. F.
There are so many defining BAMF moments in Fight Club it can be considered a two-hour BAMF training video. Yes, even our training videos blow your mind. Any line or pose shows it. How did he convince Lou to let them use the basement of the bar? Lou pounds him till his face is barely recognizable. Tyler lets him do it. Then Tyler bleeds on him until he cries mercy. Tyler beat a mob boss by bleeding on him. That’s more badass then can fit on the big screen. Tyler also had the supreme commitment to his cause. Once the whole city was following him, along with having groups in dozens of other cities, Tyler decided to make the ultimate sacrifice. His best man. The one between his legs. It may have been Jack who would experience it, but they share the same body. Jack loses a hairy orb, so does Tyler.
Many movies have been based on books. You’ve seen lots of them. How many times have you heard the author say the movie put the novel to shame? Chuck Palahniuk said that about Fight Club. The two leads being Ed Norton and Brad Pitt, who are both Tyler (although much more Pitt than Norton), had very much to do with that. That brings up another singular distinction for Mr. Durden – both Norton and Pitt played him in the same movie. Those are two heavy hitters with enormous talent. Even John McClane wasn’t played by Bruce Willis and SamueL at the same time.
Fight Club is also one of the few movies that includes multiple personalities and doesn’t suck. It’s easily in the top 5 multiple personality movies along with Psycho. Identity and Secret Window would be in the bottom 5. People who claim they figured it out during the movie – you’re all liars. Sixth Sense it was possible if you really pay attention to every little detail and think quickly, but not Fight Club. Stop robbing Tyler Durden of the credit he deserves.
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The Mariachi
He started as a simple guitar player. He became much more.
For those who are more familiar with Desperado and Once Upon A Time in Mexico, go out and get El Mariachi. Much of it is the same as Desperado, but the complete reverse. He’s a simple Mariachi come to town to look for work. All the gangsters mistake him for an infamous gunfighter who carries his tools of destruction around in a guitar case. It’s a Hitchcockian case of mistaken identity and bad luck. Mariachi (all he is ever referred to as is “El Mariachi”) becomes a gunfighter in order to survive. He also sings and charms Domino, the woman who owns the bar, while she holds his manhood at knifepoint. His performance is at its highest level when he’s under maximum duress.
Desperado has a similar yet different (love those paradoxes) way of handling it. Mariachi, this time played by Antonio Banderas, is an infamous gunfighter who does keep his weapons of death in a guitar case. Except for the weapon between his legs. Mariachi has a crotch gun that comes in quite handy. It’s the same prop used in From Dusk Till Dawn by Sex Machine. Unfortunately for Mariachi, I’m pretty sure Sex Machine had crabs. You just have to get a special shampoo. He claims that he is a simple Mariachi come to town looking for some work. He still plays a mean guitar too. Desperado has so many similarities with Mariachi it’s almost a remake while being a sequel. And what’s more amazing is its still good.
Once Upon A Time in Mexico, while not as mind blowing as the first two, has more things blow up. Johnny Depp, pre-Willy Wonka, shows up along with Eva Mendes. There’s nothing all that special about this one. A few new gimmicks are nice, like Depp’s fake arm, Cheech using his missing eye to stash important information. The plot gets unnecessarily large, as often happens in sequels, with Mariachi being caught in the middle of CIA operations and corruption, the Mexican president, drug cartels, and lots and lots of treachery. The body count does go way up though, and Mariachi gets to kill Danny Trejo again.
For those unfamiliar, the beginning scenes from Desperado with the man in white are referring to El Mariachi. Plus, it’s just so damn fun to say. And type. El Mariachi. Mariachi. A big bonus in Desperado is the absolutely smoking Salma Hayek. Everyone in the crew showed up the day her love scene was filmed. What a surprise. Mariachi Mariachi Mariachi. Carlos Gallardo plays Campa in Desperado. He played El Mariachi the first time around and Robert Rodriguez, an honorary BAMF himself, is also quite loyal. That’s another BAMF trait. Rodriguez also made El Mariachi for $7,000. He’s become a legend for that. His editing and time savers are almost beyond belief. He wrote, directed, worked the camera, edited, scored and everything else but acted all the parts. For moving shots he held the camera and rolled a wheelchair around. He’s the Mexican filmmaker equivalent of Thomas Edison.
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Sarah Connor
They sent the unstoppable killing machine after her. She stopped it.
A virtually indestructible machine with the sole purpose of killing her was sent back through time to kill her. That’s a pretty rough outing by itself. Then, Kyle Reese comes back in time to help her out and tell her that she’s the only hope the human race has left. Her unborn, unconceived son would rally the few survivors of a nuclear holocaust and teach them to rage against the machines. That’s the point where most people’s head would explode like Cohaagen at the end of Total Recall. Could you handle that? It’s a little more difficult for some to swallow, since men aren’t capable of becoming a mother. Maybe that puffy 80’s hair saved her from that fate, making it useful if not stylish. Her teacher, savior and secret lover, Kyle, gets Terminated. Sarah manages to defeat the metal monstrosity on her own though. She accepts her fate and devotes every minute of her life to preparing herself and her son, John, for the upcoming apocalypse.
There’s a deleted scene from the end of the first Terminator that should be in the movie. Find it on the DVD. After the metal endoskeleton is crushed and the police and medics find Sarah, two other people find the Terminator’s arm. They are employees in the building where the climax took place. They discuss the unbelievable architecture of the arm and steal it away from the scene. Then, when the ambulance pulls away, the camera pulls back to reveal …. Cyberdyne! It fits in so well with the message of the first movie, that you can’t escape fate. The battle is won but the war is far from over. With the trailers for Terminator Salvation out, the war is at least 3 movies from being over.
A side note, O.J. Simpson was considered for the Arnold’s role in the first movie. The producers thought people wouldn’t believe OJ as a cold-blooded killer though. Time makes fools of us all.
In T2, Sarah is locked in a mental institution as a reward for surviving. She stays strong despite the prick doctor and perverted guards. She adapts like Ripley did, accepting Arnold’s Terminator as an ally instead of adversary this time. Then she goes on the BAMF offensive. She hunts down a Cyberdyne exec to change the future. She then figures out what it took Minority Report two hours to understand – you can’t punish people for what they will or might do in the future. Like Timecop, she alters the timeline to protect the future. Sarah takes down two other sci-fi action movies as side notes. The T1000 impales her in the iron works yet she still doesn’t scream out for John. She’s completely willing to give her life to save the future. She survives the T101 and the T1000. No one else can claim that. T3 was sans Sarah but she still helps out from beyond the grave. Her coffin is filled with guns for them to use. All that really needs to be said is she provides the future with a hope for survival, but I still felt like writing a page to back it up. Sarah Connor saves mankind.
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Jules Winnfield (Samuel)
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!
Quoting the Bible became hip again after Pulp Fiction. At least Ezekial 25:17. Sure, some of the quote is paraphrased, but who cares. SamueL delivers it with fervent force and authority. Part of my philosophy is that for trivial matters history can be rewritten. SamueL makes that speech amazing, so in my reality, that is now the passage in Ezekial 25:17. Yes, SamueL is able to change history.
His wallet says it all. It says things that you can’t say on TV. It says BAMF. In the restaurant, where you see his wallet, he’s cool enough to save himself, Vincent Vega, Pumpkin and Bunny. Even while wearing yuppie beach clothes he’s suave and confident. Jules was also the recipient of Divine Intervention. God saved this man. Anyone who disagrees gets a visit from Jules to talk it over in person. He leaves the life of hired muscle behind. When he leaves, John Travolta doesn’t last a day and gets shot on the toilet. The credit, or blame depending on how you look at it, for reviving Travolta’s career also belongs to SamueL. Vincent Vega was good in Pulp Fiction, but if he didn’t have the style and panache of SamueL to play off of, he wouldn’t have been such a hit.
Now the scene at Brett’s place. Jules and Vega get the glowing “Kiss Me Deadly” suitcase from the cheating little punks. They don’t just bust in and kill them, which would have been easy as hell for them. They’re cool about it. They take their time and have their fun with it. Brett tries to explain the situation and Jules caps one of the punks. “Did I break your concentration?” Its one of the most classic scenes in movie memory. “Say “what” again!” This isn’t a guy who has to prove anything to anybody. Don’t let the Jheri-curl fool you. Jules leaves more BAMF in the toilet each morning than most people will ever see.
Jules is amazing, but most of the credit here rides with SamueL. He can knock an audience through the back wall with a yawn. He’s old school, working his way up from being an extra and a guy in the background to one of the most recognizable badasses in history. He was a 2nd unit stand in on the Cosby Show, Senor Love Daddy in Do the Right Thing, the robber in Coming to America and Gang Member #2 in Ragtime. Now all you need is SamueL for a movie to be good. Everyone wants SamueL to be in their movie in some way or another. And with good reason.
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Keyser Soze
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn’t exist.
This guy is plain unbelievable. When I first saw The Usual Suspects, the only things I could say for the next month was “Humana Humana!” Kevin Spacey delivers an amazing performance as the Devil in human form. It helps when Gabriel Byrne, Chazz Palminteri, Benicio Del Toro, Kevin Pollack, Pete Postlethwaite and one of the Baldwins surround him. The Baldwin might not really help, but he’s still in it. Keyser became a household name overnight. He was surrounded by the baddest and toughest guys around and made them all do what he wanted. He controlled everything that happened while making everyone think he was powerless. He turned himself into a spook story. Something criminals tell their kids about at night. Rat on your pop and Keyser Soze will get you.
I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze. The argument can be made that nothing of what Verbal tells is the truth. That would be pretty amazing in itself, being able to make up on the fly and keep track of all that. If he gets tired of the life of crime, he could write detective stories. Or what Verbal says could be similar to the truth with little twists to that agent Kujan couldn’t track it. The best lies are 90% truth. But the one part that is true is what happened to Soze’s family. Who else would know better than him? Personally, I would’ve taken a different route than killing my family, but Keyser refuses to let anyone force him to do anything. Who am I to question him? Keyser is less a man and more the physical incarnation of pure willpower.
That unbendable will earned him a worldwide criminal empire. He runs the most powerful mafia in the world, but no one knows what he looks like. No one knows they work for him. One cannot be betrayed if one has no people. Sure, Kobayashi might know. So there’s 1 person out of over 6 billion that does. Keyser is Al Capone if no one knew who he was. The invisible man running the mafia. You never know who’s working for him or even if the guy standing in front of you is Keyser Soze.
Honestly, Keyser’s acting is incredible too. I don’t think even any method actors could hold that act up non-stop for months. I’m talking about Keyser Soze pretending to be Verbal Kint, not Kevin Spacey as Keyser Soze. Kevin Spacey is phenomenal too. He actually had his fingers glued together for much of filming. Keyser won him the Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 95. He’s since won the Best Actor in a Leading Role for American Beauty in 99, another great movie. Spacey’s choice of role also adds to his credibility. No one bats 1,000, but he’s played a lot of great roles. Along with The Usual Suspects and American Beauty, in the Ref he played the Dad, the villain in Se7en, as well as roles in LA Confidential, the Negotiator, the Big Kahuna, A Time to Kill and Lex Luthor in Superman Returns.
