Welcome to part seven of the series where I discuss, mock rather, an annoying movie cliche that comes to mind at the time I write it. If you missed the previous cliche and would like to read it, please feel free to do so by clicking here. We all want to be a part of an elite group of individuals that share no equals, whether it be harder classes, professional sports teams, CEOs of our companies, or even a high ranking officer in the military. Apparently Hollywood has eaten this desire and defecated the remains into enough movies to fill a Port-potty for months.
The entire army has fallen, we’re all that’s left! Oh wait, we just did what an entire army couldn’t, killed millions, and won the war!
This particular overly used plot can be found in most war-style movies, and other action-style movies if one looks hard enough. The idea here is usually during a huge war, alien invasion, zombie apocalypse, or even movies where a small band of people rebel against a large organization. A huge army completely destroys every soldier that could possibly defend the country, or defend their fellow troops, and somehow a small group of rag-tag units must band together and survive long enough to complete their mission. At the beginning, huge numbers of explosions, and gun fire, destroy every man, woman, and child, that would possibly be found with few losses to account for. It is at this point that the survivors of the attacks find members of different units, and band together to find a way to safety, or to complete the mission. This part in itself tends to be believable, as people will try and find each other after such an event. What comes next, though, is not exactly what I would consider to be believable. The small band of fighters begin to fight their ways through hundreds of troops that try to slow them down- a feat that not even the entire army could do on its own- and yet win in the process. Answer me this: How is that possible? Do these beings have some God-given abilities that allows them to live where others have fallen? Thousands of lives were lost trying to defeat these seemingly indestructible troops, and yet our small band of heroes are eating through them like hot cakes! What’s more, they actually are the reason that the war was turned in favor of the host country! I’ve heard of a one man army, but come on now, its just an expression Hollywood! A small group of people with less firepower, ammo, or strategy have the ability to win an entire war against endless enemy soldiers. Just like real life, right? It isn’t enough that Hollywood tries to make us believe that our entire military branch is entirely useless in battle, but they also have to make it seem like the only way we will ever survive is if we have our own group of elite super soldiers, or at least a random assortment of rag-tag wannabes that we could dig out of any given nightclub. If we are as helpless as we are in the movies, then I suggest forcing every one in five people you find on the street into the service; that way, you have a much better chance of getting one of these people that are so talented that bullets will actually TRY to avoid them, hence the horrible aim of the bad guys.
In zombie movies, an even more random group of individuals, ranging from mechanics(you’ll always have at least one) to shop owners, and of course there is always one man with a military background, whom usually gets them through all of the dangers. The part I find most interesting in these types of movies is that thousands of people had fallen to these, usually slow, zombies, and yet this band of people, usually between three to seven, seem to have no problem navigating their ways through these monsters. There is always an area that shows the remnants of what is left of the once mighty military, nothing but half-eaten troops, or somehow perfectly useful left over tanks. This is where I always just sit there stupefied. Who in their right minds would leave a TANK when there are zombies walking on FOOT? What are they truly afraid of in these situations? Maybe they just had a paint job and oil change and don’t want to ruin the paint or worry about adding more mileage? Whatever the case, these geniuses tend to leave the tank, which could easily be used to run down the seemingly endless swarms of the undead, and die. Why our heroes don’t just decide to try and take the vehicle is beyond me, as well. Whatever the case, there will be a couple losses to the party, usually from some heroic member with the “stay behind” ideology, and if you have been keeping up with this series, you know my opinion on this type of mindset. In the end, the few remaining people run to cover, as a large explosion, or something similar, takes out the zombies that are giving chase. Our remaining group members run off to survive another day, usually into the sunrise, as if zombies are only effective at night! They are the undead, they don’t sleep or eat, and yet 90% of the time, the only time they are seen is at night. Go figure.
The idea Hollywood plays in these types of scenarios is supposed to be one that people can accomplish anything if they band together, but to me it seems that only specific people who band together can actually get things done. I’ve seen people in the service, and I’ve never seen a closer group that hasn’t banded quite as close as they have, and yet Hollywood wants us to band even closer so we can kill whatever comes in our way. It has always interested me that the strongest groups are always the ones that are the least likely to do anything: The bad boy mixed with the good one, the “easy” girl mixed with the rich or spoiled one, the random foreigner (sometimes) mixed with the deep South man. You name it, they’ll mix opposites. Of course, it causes more tension than the endless stream of bad guys, and yet they are strong enough to fight through it. That settles it, I think I’ll go meet some guy that just got out of prison, a foreigner, a military man, a wealthy girl, a street walker, a school child. a senile old man, and a duck; together, we can conquer the world! Alright, I know I pushed the envelope just a bit, but you get what I’m saying. If you have any comments, concerns, or opinions you’d like to share, please feel free to comment, and as always, thanks for reading.