2012: The Movie

Every holiday season, it is imperative in my family that we go see at least one big special effects film in an actually theater, with its overpriced popcorn, criminally huge sodas, and mysterious floor-covering, otherwise known as cinemuck.

This year, we went to see the movie 2012. I know what you’re thinking, “Why, discerning theatre-goer, why would you subject yourself to something that is clearly all pomp and no circumstance, all flash with no pan, all shiny but of no value?”

I will tell you, first of all that I, like most of us, have a fascination with the idea of the end of time. Apocalyptic fiction, whether in book or film form has always been intriguing. Perhaps we are in love with our own doom. But more importantly, perhaps, we are in love with John Cusack. Given his career, starting in the 80’s when he was frequently cast as the underdog, the lovable loser we could identify with, he seems an unlikely candidate for action films. (2012, by the way, is hardly his first – it just happens to be the most high profile action film in which he has been cast in recent memory.

Implausible plot and physical improbabilities notwithstanding, there are some interesting ideas in this version of the end of the world. As a history channel and sci-fi junkie, I can verify that the science-fictional basis of the scenario presented in the movie 2012 has actually been discussed and debated by physicists, even if it has largely been dismissed. It was kind of cool to see that nod to an ongoing intellectual debate about how the world as we know it may actually end, so I have to give the film a few points for that.

The visual effects did not disappoint, although at times they were overwhelming, like trying to cram too many visceral details onto the screen at one time, but how else would you depict the chaos that an earth-killing scenario would engender? I am of two minds on that point, as it may have actually been a well-informed artistic choice. If you could take out all the scenes with talking and screaming and actors, turn off the volume and maybe put some DeadCanDance on your stereo – you would probably have some freaking phenomenal visual poetry – but since that is not what the movie is, I shall have to put aside these idle speculations.

To be fair, the performances themselves were solid. You could believe the relationships between the characters, their panic, their worry, but the fast moving plot does not really give the audience time to really connect. The best performance in the film comes from Woody Harrelson as a talk show host who has been spouting a doomsday scenario in spite of a government cover up. Somehow, his character, who is depicted as a bit of a lunatic, happens to have, in his camper, a map to the Arks that the world’s governments have constructed to ensure the survival of the human race. John Cusack, who plays a failed writer, by the way, has to find the map, and get his estranged family to the arks. Crazy, whiplash causing hijinks ensue.

Overall, I thought the film was predictable, though it was surprisingly thoughtful in some ways, that thoughtfulness was not quite enough to carry 2012 to greatness. There are several obvious nods to realism in the dialogue between government officials and scientists, but they only served to underscore the parts which were unrealistic and sort of ruin any suspension of disbelief you, the audience, might have had going in. And there is a buried joke about pull-ups for a young one who at age 7 wets the bed, which is kind of icky and falls flat. I’m not quite sure which one of those two things is worse, actually.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun at this film, I had good company and we laughed a lot (during the least appropriate moments, of course) and the movie did fulfill my expectations. I just kind of hoped I would be pleasantly surprised, and that it would not be such a waste of a great cast. John Cusack, Chiwetel Edjifor and Oliver Platt are among my favorite actors, please don’t let 2012 keep you from seeking these geniuses out in other films.

I’m sticking with the History Channel’s “The Universe” for my apocalyptic fix.