X-Men Origins: Wolverine – Screw the Critics

I have noted two things thus far: one, the ‘critics’ don’t think this movie is worth anything; two, they are adrift, conceptually, on what it means to be entertained.

Seeing the movie yesterday and not reading reviews until today, I was surprised at the amount of loathing out there. The majority of critics have labeled the movie, “clichéd,” “predictable,” etc., and they apply these tags to the writing, action, emotional content, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The critics are missing key ideas in their analysis of ‘Wolverine;’ namely, their critique of the movie itself is predictable and clichéd, and their writing is essentially an ego-stroking diatribe that says, in six paragraphs, what they could have said in four words: “I don’t like it.”

And so, in defense of ‘Wolverine,’ here is why I liked it.

It was fucking entertaining. Above all, it was this. I don’t quite get how they didn’t find it entertaining. Going into the movie they should have expected that they would see action, mutants (i.e., Wolverine and others), some special effects, a story line that didn’t quite match up to every comic ever, a character or two that didn’t reflect exactly what they wanted, some corny parts, and some predictable parts. If they didn’t go into the movie knowing this, then they deserve to be kicked in the head.

If they were well aware that, like all comic adaptations, it was going to include all of these things, then they should not have included them in their critique. Because let’s be honest, ‘Wolverine’ did have all of the above. And still, I say, well worth the $6.50. Why?

Here’s why. It was entertaining.

Jackman was solid, no complaints there. Schreiber, as Sabertooth, did a great job as well. If you look back at the guy who played this character in the first one (and no offense to him), we went from Webster to Denzel. So instantly, points. Overall, the actors did what they could.

Action? Check. People got killed in this movie. People got killed in a myriad of ways, which is always nice to see. Swords, guns, claws, etc., you name it they killed with it. Critics say, “The special effects were lame,” or, “unoriginal.” I say, fuck you. Who needs effects when you can stab someone in the face, or rip out their spine? Sometime less is more. I don’t need the crazy special effects that make all action sequences confusing (e.g., Transformers). Just give me people getting killed in mildly interesting ways, and I’m happy.

Plot? Why not? The opening sequence did what it was supposed to, the story moved with decent pace, could have done without a couple of things, could have changed a few things around, but overall not bad. I don’t understand everyone who is trying to compare it to the latest Batman as an example of, “A much better plot.” Really? The last 20 minutes of that things fucking dragged on. Dragged the fuck on. But this movie didn’t drag to the finish, it didn’t blow it out of the water, but it didn’t roll across the finish line like a kid without any legs, either.

So overall, what was I thinking/hoping as the movie started? I was hoping that Wolverine would stab people in the chestal area and be a badass. I was thinking that the script would be something that wouldn’t put me to sleep. I was hoping that there were no unnecessarily lame mutants (e.g., X-men: The Last Stand, the guy who has spikes come out of his face). I was thinking that Gambit was going to be sweet. I was thinking that Deadpool was going to be sweet. Mostly, I was hoping that they weren’t too far off the ball from the characters and storylines that I loved as a kid. And for the most part, they weren’t.

What I wasn’t thinking (as it seems that some critics were) was the following. I wasn’t thinking that it would win ten Oscars. I wasn’t hoping that it would have special effects that would give me a hand job as I ate my popcorn. I wasn’t thinking that the script/plot would develop like Forrest Gump or Adaptation. I wasn’t hoping that this would be the greatest movie ever and if it even thought about faltering from that ideal, I would despise it. I wasn’t thinking about how my soul is incapable of being entertained, because I hate seeing movies.
I wasn’t doing these things, because I go to the movies to be entertained. I go to the movies to get, hopefully, lost in the movie for a bit.

My advice would be to see this movie on the big screen – if you like these types of movies. If you are into Citizen Kane and debating about the hypocritical nature of Andy Warhol while drinking Chai Tea, then this movie is probably not for you. But if you enjoy being entertained, and like watching fantastical characters getting stabbed with various things for the sake of it; then, fuck it, go see it. Let’s be honest, the shit on TV isn’t that fucking great anyway.